They’re not perfect. He’s just a guy, and she’s just a girl.

She always believed that love will bring her nothing but agony and pain. Experience taught her not to trust anyone. She’s had too much. And that’s a fair reason for her to be afraid to take   risks — she likes to believe. She’s not enough, she doesn’t have the right to be loved –that was what she constantly told herself. That was what love told her. Love has its own cycle for her— it’ll make her happy, then quite happy, then totally not happy at all…and eventually, it’ll break her heart. That was how things went, always. For her, it takes perfection to find someone to change the cycle. Or so she thought.

He was someone who was always there for her. He never failed to listen, never failed to lend hands, never failed to try keeping her happy—he was a friend. He’s had too much, too, yet that was never a reason for him to stop and be cowardly. Love— that was something he always believed in. That was something he’s got so much of. And that was something he always wanted to give her. He was never complete—he often says. Looking for someone to fill in the gap was never new to him. He’s not afraid to shed tears, to lose, and to suffer. For him, that was all part of the story…that was all part of falling in love.

Still, they’re not perfect. He’s just this guy who loves her, and she’s just this girl…whom he hopes to love him back.

They’re friends—good friends. They had good talks, they share good laughs. They can talk just about anything. He knew her story just as how she knew his. They have got their own shares of ups and downs.

He cares for her…so much. He walks her home, every night. He sings songs for her. He watches movies with her. He writes her letters. He stays up with her. He calls her to lull her to sleep. He never does something that will break her heart. He tells her he loves her…even she’s not perfect.

Brave, secured, loved—she is now. That is all because of him. She prays for him, every night. She loves hearing him sing. She loves watching movies with him. She keeps all his letters. She loves staying up late, if it was him she’ll talk to. She loves hearing the best lullaby ever—his voice. She knew that never in the world would she find another guy who’ll take care of her as much as he does. Finally, she loved him… and she made him complete.

She was wrong; love and perfection may never be on the same boat. Perfection is never a must in love…he made her realize.

Yes, they’re not perfect. He’s just this guy who wants to be with her forever, and she’s now this girl…who’s willing to take the chance. ♥

1.) I turned seventeen. Nothing special—just added a year in my not-so-spiced-up existence on earth and scrapped out one in my wait for being in the holy age of twenty.

2.) Moved into a new place – due to that legendary typhoon that made instant swimming pools to homes of a million people, including ours. PFFT. >_<

3.) Tried to lose weight.

4.) Failed.

5.) Got over something that’s long before done.

6.) Learned the weight of trust.

7.) Laughed at the hardest times.

8.) Cried tears of joy.

9.) Found someone.

10.) Compromised. ♥

Change is truly the only constant thing… =]

At such a young age I was able to experience such sensation. Or so I thought. I saw love as something all about the thrills summoning the entire of you just having thoughts of that person. I thought it was something that won’t ever dare let a single word escape from your lips when you’re standing face to face with that guy. For me, it was plainly that thing that’ll pump your blood up to your cheeks and paint it red then make you run and hide whenever you felt a hint of  that person around. That was my first ever definition of love. And that was then.

Years passed and I got deeper in discovering what love truly meant, part of it was allowing yourself to feel every emotion love bids you–that was the only way to make the pursuit worth while, though sometimes it may mean allowing yourself to suffer self-inflicted pains. I guess reaching that point of loving to hate love is merely a human nature. We hate because we got hurt, we got hurt maybe because we loved too much or simply because..we loved. We’d all go through agonies, like those nights lain awake waiting for a call that never came, days holding on to promises which later proved to be lies, and months of romance that didn’t survive the next.  At some point we’ll realize that it’s better not to have that someone we love so we’ll not suffer the pain of losing him/her. That’s all part of the story. What matters is, you know yourself that you loved..REAL. Somewhere we’ll define love as a terrible thing that’ll make us suffer, we’ll thought that it was all about letting go, but eventually, we’ll learn to smile again. =]

Now I just realized that my first ever definition of love, still, was right, in some way. You know it’s love when you felt chills building up just having thoughts of that person, when at the end of the day, it’s with him/her that you would want to talk about all the things you’ve done, and lastly, it’s love when he/she is the only person that can paint your cheeks red yet having felt hints of him/her around wouldn’t make you want to hide, rather it’ll urge you even more to stand face to face with him/her to give your tightest hug.

I guess love can be defined as simple as : special friendship. Like friendship, love is more of planting than building, for when you build something, even if it took you years, one day you’ll stop. Love loses its meaning when the building stops. While when you plant, seeing its fruit will never be the end of the story. You’ll still have to shower it with constant attention so it’ll continue to grow. A lot like love.

Finding what love really means is a long journey, the road even offers too many paths, you’ll just have to see who’s that special one who’s gonna walk with you ’til the end and only then can you say that you finally can define the strange word called LOVE.  =]

]]> http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/love-is/feed/ 0 tintin http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/09/08/all-over-and-done/ http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/09/08/all-over-and-done/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2009 04:04:36 +0000 tine http://tinniee.wordpress.com/?p=208 ]]> First term was almost over. Hell week just passed, thank goodness. :] MUCH happened in my first three months as a sophie, both good and bad. And I have got my own share of reasons why I hate and love this term. CHANGE has been the most prominent word for me, which I’ve thought as a good thing.

SMILE. =]

Nothing much happened. Our profs just gave the aftermath of the first half of this term. I love ENGLISH this day. And English loves me too. Lol.Well, OPESYS is the last subject..and here I am.. “facebook”-ing; forcing my blockmates to buy me at that pop app “Friends for Sale”. I’ve just reached 1M so keep on buying me.. What do I get out of that? NADA. Nothing really special about that app, just looking for things to waste my precious time on.

That’s all. Hahaha.

I’m no good in writing poems, but I want to try this time.

Here it goes…

Shooting Star

Looking back I saw the future

The only possible place in time “we” could ever exist

The last string I’m holding on to

The room where nothing but uncertainty resides

Fate brought you to me

Inevitably, fate took you back

You’re my shooting star

Yet all you did was pass me by

If only I had one wish

I want you to cross my sky once more

And I’ll make everything stand still

If only it could be done

Time flies too fast

We used to ride on the same boat

Now you’re there sailing your own

And here I am, waiting for you on that same shore

Someday in somewhere no one knows

I know we’ll meet again

We’re living different lives

But at least, we’re still looking at the same sky…

***

(The spacing’s a mess *rawr*. It’s got 5 stanzas with 4 lines in each.)

damn bowling class at MOA.

had lunch at McD’s

NADA.

GUIPROG’s next. zzzzz.

——————————————————————————————

‘wanna go home’

———————————————————————————————-

I just read all those heart-wrenching, mushy posts about him and I realized that I may just be stubbornly over-reacting about that “mishap”. I want to get it over with..because that’s how mature people handle things–they don’t let their emotions get over them. That’s exactly the right thing to do– to move forward.

At first, I was apathetically saying that it was nothing for me–that I haven’t even felt a single trace of pain. I did that because I can’t bear to swallow my pride and call myself a loser..AGAIN. It hurts my ego. Yes, even us, girls, have that too. Until now, I don’t know if it’s love that I felt, love is such a strong word. Or maybe I’m just way too scared to admit that I’ve fallen for the wrong person, for the nth time–that I never really learned my lesson. I don’t know. All I know is that there’s no use wasting my time thinking about what could’ve been. He might just laughed at me because I took “whatever it is that we had” seriously. Demmet. Obviously, it’s nothing but a game for him. I don’t know what he thinks of me now–maybe a brainless creature who’s such a fool to believe that all his lies were true. Whatever.

My words may be a bit too harsh , but I’m not mad at him, because I hate hating someone. Also, I shouldn’t be. That’s the worst thing in hook-ups–whenever you got hurt, it’s all your fault. I’m mad at myself for being such an ignorant. I want to spare myself of my own fingers putting the blame all on me. The best thing to do  now is SMILE, live a life, take it as just another lesson, and of course, LEARN from it. Again, learn from it.

]]> http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/just-another-mishap-just-another-lesson-learned/feed/ 0 tintin http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/a-okay-hell-no/ http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/a-okay-hell-no/#comments Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:32:49 +0000 tine http://tinniee.wordpress.com/?p=130 ]]> How hard is it to pretend that you’re perfectly fine when you know you’re not–that you’re over it when a simple smile or “Hi” from that person drives your heart in its fastest beat everytime? DAMN hard..but sometimes, you just have to, to save even the littlest ounce of pride you can for yourself. Fcuk.

]]> http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/a-okay-hell-no/feed/ 0 tintin http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/07/02/last-dance/ http://tinniee.wordpress.com/2009/07/02/last-dance/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:38:35 +0000 tine http://tinniee.wordpress.com/?p=127 ]]> It’s a descriptive essay I passed for my EXWRITE class last school year….

and YES..it’s all about YOU.

It’s so two years ago..and I’m definitely over it. This is just for the sake of posting something here. HAHA.  No, I’m not defensive. :]

————————————————————————————————

They say you missed a big part of your teenage life if you haven’t gone to your Junior-Senior Prom, a night where we transform from childish boys and girls to mature ladies and gentlemen. My first JS Prom a couple of years ago made one of the most unforgettable events in my life, an event I’ll forever treasure.

It was almost evening; the clock read five thirty in the afternoon. I was all dressed up and everything was set. As I was sitting in our couch waiting for the car to be ready, butterflies were in my stomach and I can feel my heart beating too fast as my thoughts earnestly travel  to what it is that might happen that evening. Suddenly, my mom’s voice brought me back to the real world, we were ready to leave. I quickly ran into the room and took one last glance at the mirror. Anxiously standing there was a girl in a splendid blue gown. I took a deep breath, smiled, and told her, “You can do it”, and then I rushed into the car. The night of every teenage girl’s dream, as they would call it, was just a few minutes away.  The only thing that gave such a chill to my whole body as the car drove closer to The Bellevue was neither the event itself nor the awards to be given; it’s the thought of standing face to face with the guy I really liked, my date, as our bodies sway to the tune of a sweet music.

The car went to stop. Finally, we were at the hotel. As I opened the car door, the wind that blew even gave more chill to my cold body that I needed to put on my shawl. The thrill and edginess inside me was rising as I walked into the hotel. I immediately scanned the place to see if my date was already there. The lobby was hustling; different groups of people were busy chatting, excited mothers were keenly assisting their children and the blinding white flash of the cameras can be seen every now and then. As I was looking at the girls, I could see no trace of the usual childish teens I used to see in school. All I can see were the newly transformed Cinderellas moving in such a gracious manner. The boys, looking so handsome and manly with their tuxedos on, were in different groups, each looking intently at the beautiful ladies as if they were Prince Charmings searching for their Cinderellas.  My eyes continuously gazed in all directions in the place hoping to finally see him. So many beautiful faces yet none of those was his. It was getting darker outside, the prom was about to start. Still, there was no trace of him. I felt like that event would turn out to be one of my biggest disappointments.

We entered the hall, the program did start. The place itself somehow eased my being downhearted. It was as if we were in a white palace; white lilies can be seen throughout the big hall, ivory cloths veiled the chairs and tables in the place, and the warm glow of the light illuming the vast room gave it a spirit of romance and elegance. After walking in the red carpeted aisle, I immediately headed to the table reserved for me and my friends. This was the first time I’ve ever attended a formal gathering with them. It was fun. For quite a while, I was able to laugh and smile though a part of me was still feeling blue. Right after the sumptuous food was served and the special awards were given, darkness covered the hall and deafening music boosted everyone’s spirit. The white palace turned into a nightspot in just a snap. Almost everyone was rocking the dance floor; there were just few persons left in the tables and I was one of those. I can’t seem to find any reason to be happy knowing that the only person I wanted to see wasn’t there. Abruptly, my friends brought me into the dance floor. I had no choice. I just sullenly accepted the fact that he won’t come and told myself that I’d better make the most out of that evening rather than isolating myself in one corner and let my emotions get over me. For that few minutes I was able to truly have fun, though I still caught myself unconsciously searching for him once in a while. Everyone was raving and outrageous when suddenly the groovy tunes turned into sweet mellow music. The dance floor became the couple’s paradise. I and my friends went back to our table. I again felt that emptiness inside me as the music played. The songs seem to tell the nuisance of my heavy heart. I wanted him to be my first and last dance but he wasn’t there. I had my first dance with one of my closest guy friends and it somehow made me happy. After several minutes of dancing, I went back to that dark corner, back to that feeling. I never thought that the night I’ve waited for quite a long time would be that gloomy.

As I was sitting alone, listening to the songs that played, I felt my heart beating too fast again like the way it did before the prom started. I felt someone coming near me as a familiar scent came wafting in the air. I had felt the chill in my body building up once more. Random thoughts were in my mind as I slowly tilted my head up to see who the person was. I was right; he was there, standing in front of me, offering his hand to dance with me. As our eyes met, he broke into a stunning smile that took my breath away. Then we were at the dance floor, I patted my hands uncomfortably in his shoulders as the sweet music governed the swaying of our bodies. I wanted to freeze the hands of time that moment. I looked in different directions but in the corner of my eye, I was looking at him and he was looking at me too, a thing that even made me feel more uncomfortable. That time, I wondered how come the guy who made many of the most annoying moments in my life was the same guy who made one of the best moments I’ve ever had. As we dance, he continually cracked jokes, same as before. We were laughing; he never really failed to make me smile even when we were still “worst friends”. That was the best part in him. We almost spend the whole night just dancing and laughing. Then he spoke again, he was serious this time. I can rarely hear him talk that way. It might be something really serious, I thought. And yes it was. My ears almost refused to hear what he said. They’re leaving; for good. I was mute for a short while. “Oh”, that was all that came out of my mouth as I came to realize what he just said. I have no idea how to react. I looked away from him so he won’t see the tear that fell from my eye. Time was not on our side that instant; it was a few minutes before twelve midnight. We were both silent. Then suddenly the warm glow of the lights was back, the sweet music stopped. It was over. As we walked toward the big door in the hall going out, I saw his gloomy face illumed by the gleam of light, it made letting go even harder. I needed to go right away. As we looked at each other, he held my hand, smiled at me, and let it go at once. That was goodbye.

I was in mixed emotions as the car drove away from The Bellevue.  I was happy that he came that night yet so sad that he left for good. I don’t know if I should feel glad or miserable knowing that he was my last dance yet that was the last.

♥ ♥ ♥